I look at this photo of me as a child and I am not fat, not bone thin. So what I get from this basic information is that I do have it in me to be like this. Yes time passes and I am now 54 years old, but I can't or won't believe it is too late to get healthy and even reverse some of my years by eating well and moving my body.
Sometimes I wonder if it starts in the mind or the body. Where does health begin? Is there really any true health if the two are not on the same level of existence? What I believe is that this can teeter back and forth forever without ever really finding a balance spot. I mean, it's okay to lean one way or the other but the oscillating is not a good place. How can anyone do much when they are dizzy with this imbalance?
Embarking on a growth process, changing how the mind thinks and feels along with how the body is nourished is huge for anyone let alone someone who at times feels crippled with the fear of never having achieved improvement.
Do I have to go back to the way I had to think when I stopped drinking and using drugs and use slogans found on A.A. tables, and the 12 Steps and Traditions? It worked for my alcohol and drug abuse. I'm clean and sober for 26 years as of Feb.5. That was also the day I lost everything I owned in a house fire. I had nothing; not a piece of paper with my name on it. Every gift anyone ever gave to me, every photo, poem or journal I had kept since I was a teenager. Sometimes disaster has to strike, but I would like to avoid the health scare disaster I am facing if I don't get with it and get this weight under control. I've been battling this for 17 years now. When I quit smoking 13 years ago I did gain about 75 pounds. I still have it. It's going to kill me. Time to get going.
peace,
victoria
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